We prepared for her arrival weeks in advance. I packed a hospital bag on Thanksgiving in the off chance that she came early. Andrew and I went to a Harry Potter-themed Yule Ball on December 9. We danced and danced and had a magical time where we could dress up fancy and just focus on each other. I danced two whole line dances--jumps, hops and all--in an attempt to induce labor. I had some faint contractions that night but really just ended up being very sore and miserable the next day. We took a two day birthing class at the hospital and learned the ins and outs of labor and delivery, and Andrew learned how to be a good partner to help me through it. We left the class both prepared...and slightly traumatized.

December 14th, my due date, came and went. To say we were anxious for our baby girl to come is an understatement. I was not dilated at all and there was no sign that I was going to go into labor anytime in the near future. Well meaning people told me that I was carrying her way too high for her to be coming soon, that she hadn’t dropped yet. But I knew that she had dropped, and I knew she had to come one way or another. I reluctantly called and scheduled my induction date for December 21st. I desperately didn’t want to be induced...I went to the mall and walked, I bought a yoga ball and bounced while watching hours of The Mindy Project. I took a bath a day and soaked in clary sage oil, and rubbed it on my ankles and belly every night before bed. Andrew and I walked Luna to the hang gliding park by the house...a 4 mile walk. I curb walked for a quarter mile of that walk. We should’ve known then that baby girl had a mind of her own and was going to come when she was good and ready.

Sunday December 18 Andrew gave me a priesthood blessing for strength and healing. I was blessed that I would be able to endure the “hardships” of my labor and delivery. He mentioned the word “hardships” 3 times. After, I was slightly distraught and asked him what in the heck it was supposed to mean (as if he would know). That night I started having contractions. They weren’t painful enough to take my breath away, but I knew they were different from anything I had ever felt. I went to bed that night with a sure knowledge that she would be coming the next day. I slept great but around 5 am I woke up having more contractions. I got out of bed and bounced on the ball and walked around. I took a shower and gathered some toiletries for our hospital bag. I downloaded an app that timed my contractions and they were about five minutes apart, each lasting about one minute. I woke Andrew up and let him know that it was time...baby was coming today! He showered, got some last minute things to bring with us since my contractions were getting stronger, and even vacuumed the basement for me. We let everybody know that we were going to the hospital for me to be evaluated. Andrew’s family frantically got ready to start driving from California.

Once we were at the hospital my contractions still weren’t bad. I was calm and had a clear mind. The nurses took me to the triage room where they hooked me up to monitors to track my contractions and check my dilation. I was at a two and sure enough I was in labor. They admitted me and we settled into my room where I would labor, deliver, and ultimately recover. They gave me my IV in my hand and I cried like a baby. For some reason this part of the process was what I was always the most worried about, but my nurse, Hafsa, was an angel and was very kind to me. We checked into the hospital around 10 am and Kaitin arrived around 11. She was followed by my mom and Anna Sophia, and soon after my grandma and grandpa came. I felt great and walked the hallways...Andrew took a phone interview for a job in Anchorage, Alaska. Around 1 pm Dr. Sloan came and broke my water to help my labor progress.

Once my water broke my contractions rapidly intensified. I wanted to see how long I could go without an epidural but I knew that I immediately needed one. I used the restroom and when I came out the glorious anesthesiologist was waiting for me. It’s true what they say--when you feel those contractions you don’t care what happens to you, and the long needle of the epidural is the least of your worries. My mom, Anna Sophia, and Kaitlin returned from getting lunch right as I was getting the epidural and I’ve never seen a more terrified look on Anna Sophia’s face. The nurses sent them out until the procedure was over, and then they were able to return. Once the epidural started working my blood pressure dropped and so did baby’s heart rate. It is all such a blur to me now. They had me lay on my left side and gave me some oxygen and medication to bring my blood pressure back up. In the moment I was really scared for our baby, but in hindsight I learned that it is a pretty common occurrence.

At this point I was progressing well and everybody started making predictions about when baby girl would arrive. Andrew guessed 8:30, but the rest of us agreed that 8:30 was way too late. My nurse, Hafsa, thought that she would be here before the end of her shift at 7:00. We were constantly updating Andrew's family about my progress, convinced that they would definitely not make it in time.

When the doctor checked my dilation after my water broke she discovered that baby girl was turned the wrong way and was facing posterior. She said she wanted to wait until I was dilated a little more before she would try to turn her. I didn’t think anything of this and continued to labor. The epidural did its job and I was fairly comfortable. We watched TV, and I tried to sleep. Sure enough, Hafsa's shift ended and my new nurse, Molly, came in every once in a while to have me change positions to see if they could get baby to flip into the correct position. After laboring for fifteen hours I was dilated to a 10 and ready to push...only problem is that one small part of my cervix wasn’t dilated. They gave me pitocin through my IV hoping to speed that small part along. I was on pitocin for 2 hours with no success. Dr. Sloan eventually came in and pushed that small part aside so baby could start progressing into the birth canal. I felt like I was so close to delivering, until Dr. Sloan told me she was going to go home and eat dinner and come back and check on me. (I wanted to say, "You don't eat until I get to eat, lady!" but I restrained.) At this point my labor was starting to get more intense...I had terrible pain in my back that would not go away no matter how many times I pushed the button for the epidural. With every contraction the pain in my back would radiate from my left side and leave me breathless. I was told I was having this pain because of how baby was positioned, that she was pushing into my back.

Andrew’s family arrived at the hospital around 10 pm, and it was time for me to start pushing. Dr. Sloan tried to turn the baby into the correct position but was unsuccessful. I pushed with the help of Molly and Andrew on either side of me. I pushed for an hour but the pain in my back was so excruciating and I was making very little progress. I cried in pain, frustration, and discouragement. I was given the choice to take a break and let the pitocin work to help baby progress and then try again in an hour or so. I agreed and was so overcome with emotion that I cried hysterically. Everybody cleared the room except Andrew and me. I had never felt so defeated in my life, and the pain in my back was still intolerable. The anesthesiologist came in and increased my dosage of medicine and the pain finally subsided enough for me to calm down and sleep. Andrew was my anchor and a crucial part in me being able to regroup and prepare for the next round of pushing. He gave me a priesthood blessing and I was able to calm down and we both slept for about an hour and a half.

Around 1 am (now December 20!) Molly came back and I started to push again. She had another nurse come in and hold a towel directly across from me for me to pull on as I pushed, like a game of tug-of-war. Eventually my mom took over this role and held the towel for me. I pushed and pushed and the pain in my back returned with a vengeance. The epidural continued to work from my waist down but the back pain was so terrible and would pulse with every contraction. Pushing was the only thing that distracted me from the pain, and in between pushes I felt the pain at full force.

After 2 ½ more hours of pushing Dr. Sloan came in with the vacuum to try to help baby out. The nurses came in and turned on the bassinet; everybody was standing by for me to finally deliver, receiving blanket and bulb syringe ready for her to arrive. But the vacuum failed. Molly said she could see baby’s head, that she had a lot of hair! But every time I pushed she would move forward and then fall back into place. She was stuck on my pelvic bone and was unable to get around it. With every push I thought I was so close, but in reality baby still had so far to go.

At 4 am Dr. Sloan gave me a choice. She said that I could continue pushing for 2-3 more hours with no guarantee that it would work. Baby’s heart rate was good and I could continue if I wanted to, or I could have a c-section. As the words came out of her mouth I knew what she was going to say, and I was devastated. I did not want a c-section. I wanted immediate skin to skin with no interruptions. I wanted delayed cord clamping. I wanted all of the things that I had pictured in my mind when I dreamed of my delivery. I didn’t want all of my hard work to end in a c-section. But I knew that I couldn’t push anymore after I had already labored for 18 hours and pushed for 4 ½. The pain in my back was too much. I came to terms with the fact that a c-section was the best way for our baby to come into the world, that I had tried my very hardest and now had to do what was best and safest for both of us. I was terrified but Andrew and I agreed to the c-section and he gave me another blessing. I felt peace about our decision as they wheeled me away to get me prepped, and Andrew stayed behind to get ready for the operating room.

Once in the operating room the anesthesiologist stayed by my side and walked me through every step. They turned my epidural up to the max but I could still feel my back pain and my legs when they were touched. The anesthesiologist gave me a spinal block and I was finally relieved of pain and I couldn’t feel anything. At this point I was so exhausted that I didn’t care what happened to me. Honestly, I was happy to be able to take a backseat for a bit and let everyone else take care of getting baby here. Andrew joined me and soon after they started the operation. At 5:30 am I heard the first cries of our baby girl. I cried tears of joy and relief and begged to see her. She was brought over to me so I could get a glimpse of her before they cleaned her up. My first thought was shock at how much hair she had! Andrew followed her and watched as they cleaned her up and eventually put her in his arms. He brought her to me and I cried over her and kissed her cheeks. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

The drugs made it difficult for me to use my arms and safely hold her, so Andrew laid her on my chest as they wheeled me out back to our room. There Andrew’s family and my mom, sisters, and grandma were waiting to meet her. I held her and was able to feed her as my spinal block wore off. I was so exhausted and so happy to have her here with us finally.

After being unnamed for two days, we finally picked the perfect name for our little girl.

Rey Clara Hansen

December 20, 2016
5:30 am
7 pounds 8 ounces
21 inches

Almost 5 months later as I’m writing your birth story, Rey, I know without a doubt that I would do it all over again just to relive that sweet moment when we first met you.

Welcome to the world, baby girl. Welcome to our family.